…As experts offer tips on fostering marital bliss
By Abdul-Mumin Abdul-Quadir
Marriage Counsellors and therapists have advised couples to learn to speak each other’s love language to reignite the sparks in their marriage.
They urged couples to attach more importance to effective communication, as it remains key to peaceful homes.
They made the appeal at the Alimosho Couples’ Hangout held at Amen Event Centre on Sunday 29th September, 2024.
The programme, which was aimed at promoting consonance in homes within Alimosho, was attended by about 160 couples from across Alimosho and beyond.
Highpoints of the event were Kahoot Game session, and Questions/Answer Segment, where couples were asked practical thought-provoking questions on matters affecting their homes.
The Chairman, Organisation Committee, Mr. Kazeem Lawal, said that the idea behind the programme, in all of its editions, is to tackle marital issues within homes in Alimosho.
He said: “The wisdom behind this programme is our realisation of the fact that many marriages in Alimosho are facing some serious issues and homes at the verge of falling apart. So, there was a need for fora that addresses those issues and will restore peace in our homes.”
He said the programme was reviewed and renamed so that couples would feel relaxed in a convivial atmosphere.
He said: “The programme was initially tagged Couples’ Seminar, but we changed it to Couples’ Hangout so that it won’t look too serious. They will feel free to express themselves and have fun.”
He noted that it was not easy putting the ‘Talk, Reflect and Refresh 2.0’ together, but feels great to have executed it.
“It wasn’t easy putting this together. We’re a 10-12 man committee, but our hands are full. We had virtual meetings and strategised until the dead hours of the night, on many occasions. We even had to run helter-skelter, sourcing for funds because the registration fee could not cater for our budget of about N4m, and we only asked couples to pay N10,000.
Guest Speaker, Dr Sulaiman Olagoke Ogunmuyiwa, a renowned marriage counsellor, saddled couples with the sparks in their marriages, as this becomes essential to keep the home together.
He said: “The first thing you get from your spouse is tranquility, but after seeing each other’s flaws, erotic connection begins to wane. It’s up to you to look out sparks that were there from the outset or find them if you haven’t, and reignite them.”
He stressed the role of compassion in marriages and urged couples to learn and speak the partner’s love language, as long as it makes them happy.
“Do to your spouses what makes them happy and give them what they like, as it strengthens the bond in marriages.
“Always do what makes your spouse happy, and don’t liken them to others. It doesn’t have to be something big. Just get to what makes your spouse happy and do it consciously. It might be some sweet words, spending quality time together, hugs, gifts, or some other little things. It goes a long way.”
Dr Ogunmuyiwa saidd that couples should feel free to relate and interact without feigning unnecessary holiness or innocence.
He said, “Many of us are very dry and boring with our spouses. We try to show that we’re spiritual or holy, and that is inappropriate.”
He added dutifulness to one’s spouse, which is a rewarding act in Islam.
“Fulfilling your duties and obligations to your spouse is a rewarding act in Islam. The companions were surprised when the Prophet (PBUH) told them that satisfying your pleasures through their spouses is rewarding. So, he (PBUH) told that if doing it with the wrong person is a sin, then doing with the right partner is perceived as an act of worship.”
Discussant at the Hangout, Mrs. Bushroh Okeowo Bombata, also a marital counsellor and family system engineer, emphasised the place of vulnerability in marriages.
She feels that spouses should be vulnerable with each other.
“Be vulnerable with your partner. Don’t hide your weakness from your partner. When you communicate with your partner and tell them what you’re going through, it’s easier for them to help you in any way possible.”
She observed that some people find it very hard to open up to their spouses because of mismanagement of information, and implored spouses to handle sensitive information with care.
Couples laud initiative.
The Odunewus felt great after attending the programme. They said: “the programme was impactful. It outdid our expectations. Many thanks to the organisers.”
Mrs. Odunewu feels the Hangout should hold quarterly, while Mr Odunewu opined that it should continue to hold annually, to ensure proper planning.
The Yusufs were also happy to be at the hangout. Mr Yusuf has this to say:
“It’s actually a great programme. I’m happy to be here with my family. It has opened to ways to ways of communicating better, expressing love and affection in our homes. It a nice outing. My take-home is that as a man, you should be compassionate towards your wife. You don’t have to establish your authority and flex muscles at all times.”
Mrs. Yusuf said she has also learnt to be more supportive and patient with her spouse.
Mr. and Mrs. Anifowose feel the TRR 2.0 is better than previous editions.
They said: “This is actually richer and better than the previous editions. We really appreciate the automated registration, the indoor arrangement and its ambiance. We don’t even get this quality from such programme where we pay more than this.
Many other also lauded the organisers and look forward to subsequent editions of the programme.
Some of the beautiful moments captured in pictures by Community Standard are below:
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