By Abdul-Mumin Abdul-Quadir
Counsellors and therapists have urged singles to go for therapy, seek readily available help and be in their possible shape before setting foot into matrimony as marriage is not an asylum.
These pleas were made at the Single & Secure Conference organised by Hearthub Solutions in Lagos, on Sunday, 14th July, 2024.
The seminar, attended by singles from across Lagos and beyond, was aimed creating a sense of self-awareness in the participants, boosting their confidence and making them the best possible versions of themselves.
These, according to the organisers, will help them in choosing the right partners and having blissful marriages.
It featured lectures, panel sessions and Cahoot game session which filled the atmosphere with great excitement.
The Convener, Mrs. Bushroh Okeowo Bombata, said with her experience of almost a decade in marital counselling, she realised that most marriages have challenges and problems because the parties involved were either unaware of themselves or nursing some traumas when they got married.
She said the aim of the Single and Secure is to help prevent those avoidable problems rather than strive to cure them.
“Having worked with couples for almost a decade, I realise that most marriages have problems because the couple did not fully understand themselves and what they want before actually getting married. So, the best way to go about it is to catch them young. Hence, I put this together to help singles know themselves, build confidence and understand their incompetence before marriage,” she said.
Popularly known as ‘Mrs. Bomb’, Bombata noted that having singles who are informed will translate to more blissful homes, that will enhance a saner society.
High point of the event was the panel session involving highly experienced realtor, Mrs. Hafsat Balogun Omotoso, IT expert, Engr. Yusuf Jimoh Aweda, Poet and Product designer, Abdul-Alim Ajenifuja and Project Manager, Mr. Kazeem Olalekan Lawal, who recounted his experience before settling down about 16 years ago.
Lawal stressed the need for holding one’s values in high esteem, especially when looking out for a spouse, noting that singles should choose spouses that will complement their values without allowing frivolities to overshadow their thought process.
He submitted that he has never had a cause to regret choosing his wife since they got married over one and half decades ago.
Therapy will save you a lot of troubles
Speaking at the event, Psychotherapist, Mr. Segun Matthew, urged singles to go for therapy and take advantage of readily available help in understanding themselves and finding ways around issues that may be facing them.
He urged the participants to take advantage of all that they learn at the seminar to better themselves before and during marriage.
Marital problems affect women in business and career
Lauding Bombata’s initiative, Lead Coach for Egrets Learning Hub, Mutiat Olagoke, explained that most of the problems women have in business are traceable to their marriages.
She, therefore, said that it was necessary to have conversations around marital issues, the reason she was not hesitant to honour Mrs. Bomb’s invitation.
“I’ve been excited about this, because having been working with women for some time now, I realise that most of their come from their marriages. Although they come to us for business coaching, most times, they have issues around marriage and relationships. So, when I saw the idea, I felt it was fantastic. These are conversations we need to have,” she said.
Olagoke commended the convener of the event, appreciated the participants for their collectedness and urged them to practise all that they learnt.
Learn to communicate in marriage and relationship
Also speaking at the event, Counsellor and Clinical Psychologist, Muhammed Ahmed, stressed the importance of communication in relationships and marriages.
Muhammed, also known as Mentor Moh, observed that most men find it hard to communicate effectively.
He, therefore, urged them to communicate better, submitting that a man can be vulnerable before his spouse.
Set healthy boundaries
A Youth Advocate and Fellow of the Margaret Ekpo Youth Fellowship, Adebimpe Adebara, urged singles to set healthy boundaries in relationships and marriages.
She said that failure to set healthy boundaries have its dire consequences.
“Your spouse is not doing you a favour by marrying you. You’re a person of value. Learn to set healthy boundaries, as that will help protect your mental health,” she advised.
The marriage institution is like a bank
Engr. Yusuf Jimoh Aweda, one of the panelists, asserted that marriage is like a financial institution in which you make deposits and withdrawals.
He affirmed that homes fall apart when either or both of the couples go bankrupt.
“I have some things I do for my my wife such that when we have disagreements, we resolve them with ease. I have some special songs dedicated to her. So, everyone should have a few of such things with which they get at each other’s soft spot,” Aweda said.
He also stressed the relevance of spirituality in bride hunting.
The participants expressed satisfaction at the end of the event as it was nothing short of their expectations.
One of them, Ifeoma Dike, confirmed that she got what she expected from the event.
“I was expecting to hear exactly all the things I heard about single life and readiness for marriage. In short, it has been an exciting outing. I was honoured to have been invited and I’m happy that Mrs. Bomb is doing this.”
